"It matters not what others see, only what we perceive of ourselves."
“Naerdiel," Drefan whispered and he looked back out at the sky.
"I always thought it ironic.... Lady of Sorrows."
Nilec was born a Wood elf in the ancestral home land of her people. She never fought her destiny given at birth, destiny and prophecy were everything in her life. A Destiny foretold for her, she believes by the true name she was given as a babe. Sorrows. Happiness and love were not to be hers, and that was not hard to believe when she was orphaned by her parents at a young age and put into drug induced visions for a hundred years. Save the world at the cost of her own happiness?
It took no second thought. Her joys and pains did not matter to a fate of a world, and its people. What were the joys and pains of a vampire who she wed? Nothing.
Nilec if she had been able to would have been ruling Dire Cry solely for years. If she had been able to she would have taken it over herself, but as a woman she had to have a man to stand behind. So she used the love James had for her as a weapon, as a way to manipulate him. To dance the court dance, to manipulate him in every way from the bedroom to the council chamber so she could have a say. The Desert has made her utterly ruthless. To be a woman in Dire Cry, you had to allow other people to control every aspect of your life for your own safety. Nilec learned the hard way what it was to be a woman in a land where they were nothing. It is the pride in her that kept her so strong when the land could have made her crumble to her knees.
“There is very little dignity for one who is treated as an object, often all one has left is their pride.”
A harsh land created a harsh woman. She began to care for the people of the land but it became a crutch in later years. She wanted for their well being, and began her garden, pouring forth her blood into the dead desert sands to feed so few, but it was all she could do.
Manipulation and court games are all she knows. It is a dance she knows every step to and has so memorized she will do it subconsciously. She hated James...but he was her equal, they danced the same dance. They may have hated each other in the end but the dance...the dance they loved. The grin and the fire in his eyes were the only time she could say perhaps she loved him, was when he was starring at her with that fire. She missed the dance. It was like a spirited tango no one else could keep up with, no one else could match or understand the moves to. It was theirs and theirs alone.To Love was to Hate, and to Hate was to Love.
I made him into the man he became, into the monster. Into my abuser, the defiler of my son, I knew when I pushed him away that he would break. But I did not know how hard, and that he would take it out on our child. He loved me and I detested him with every bit of soul, and part of hates my son as well but it is the vampire in them I despise. I have never felt any guilt over what I did until now, until the last while when I looked back over my life. Everything in my life has had a purpose and a rhythm, a flow and a reason. I was handed from hand to hand, I danced the dance and I fought back in the only way I knew how. I survived.
I became stronger, but I gave up everything for this perverse strength in me, I am ruthless, selfish, cynical, untrusting and bitter.
To love is to feel infinite pain and joy, and like a flower I will wilt or grow. I want to allow the child out with its hopes and dreams, but the woman in me battered and used; the woman who used and hurt right back knows hopes and dreams are filled with ignorance.
James and I manipulated each other in the end, but I find it now that I miss him. Even though he came to hate me, he understood how I thought. No words I spoke could shock him. We were two of a kind...The Briar rose, a rose surrounded by thorns, but whose thorns? His...or mine?
After all my strength is stolen, after everything is taken from me...all I have left once more.
Is my pride.
"I did what I had to in this life."